Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
