Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
