im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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