dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
