wanna go halves on a baby?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
