Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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