dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
