Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
