my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
we're making bets on your personal life
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
