So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
