I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
