Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
