Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
