just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
