I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
