I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
