Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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