I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
