I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
