we have pet lesbian snakes
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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