I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i believe in u and ur pee
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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