It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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