I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
