The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
