I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
