i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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