Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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