the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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