I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
