Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
