my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
