i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
