Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
