He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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