If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
