Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
A bitchslap is in order.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
