Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
