How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
