New invention idea: vibrating tampons
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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