Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
