shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
