In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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