my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
