walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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