Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
