this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
