she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
