if you like me you must not know who I am
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
