im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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