As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
