When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
