you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
