I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
