That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just tell him i said nine months
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
