I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Randomize
