I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
