I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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